Empowering Children Through Discomfort and Resilience-Building With Dr. Marcie Faust

Dr. Marcie Faust is the Principal of South Park Elementary School, where she leads a team dedicated to fostering innovative teaching practices and supporting student well-being in Deerfield, Illinois. In her role, she creates learning environments to empower, support, and prepare students for the future. Dr. Faust also has experience as an early childhood program director, director of innovative learning, classroom teacher, and technology coach.

Here’s a glimpse of what you’ll learn:

[03:10] Dr. Marcie Faust explains why schools rank emotional regulation below grit
[06:52] The importance of pausing instead of immediately fixing kids’ problems
[10:12] How validating kids’ feelings builds real resilience and confidence
[13:41] The simple tasks kids should be doing for themselves
[16:14] Why parents should step back from peer conflicts
[19:26] Creative school strategies for easing drop-off and test anxiety
[21:28] What works and what backfires when parents handle anxious kids
[27:08] How schools handle smartphones and smartwatches effectively
[36:37] Dr. Faust talks about the Let Grow Project for building kids’ independence

In this episode…

Kids are growing up in a world filled with more uncertainty, stimulation, and pressure than ever before. Many parents instinctively try to smooth every bump in the road, but what if those tough moments are exactly what children need to grow stronger? How do we know when to step in and when to step back?

According to Dr. Marcie Faust, an educational leader who spends her days supporting students and guiding families, the answer starts with letting children sit with their discomfort. Drawing from her experience working closely with both students and parents, she explains that children build resilience when adults offer a calm presence and thoughtful coaching rather than fixing problems for them. Her “power of the pause” approach encourages parents to resist the urge to rescue and instead model steady reassurance. In her view, these everyday moments lay the groundwork for emotional regulation and confidence that lasts far beyond elementary school.

In this episode of The Coping Podcast, Dr. Leigh Weisz is joined by Dr. Marcie Faust, Principal of South Park Elementary School, to discuss helping children build resilience through discomfort. They explore how parents can practice pausing, how letting kids handle small challenges strengthens emotional regulation, and the importance of fostering independence at home and school. Dr. Faust also shares advice on navigating peer conflict without over-involvement.

Resources Mentioned in this episode

Quotable Moments:

“I always say…this school will do so much, but we can’t do it alone.”
“When we, as the adult, jump in to save the day, we’ve robbed them the opportunity to do some of their own problem-solving.”
“You are not going to be the only person available to solve every problem.”
“It’s key to learn how to sit in our child’s discomfort.”
“Anything your child can do on their own, let them.”

Action Steps:

Practice pausing before intervening: Taking a moment before jumping in gives children space to express emotions and begin problem-solving on their own, which strengthens resilience.
Encourage kids to seek help from trusted adults at school: Guiding children to communicate with teachers or staff builds self-advocacy skills and reduces dependence on parents for immediate rescue.
Let children experience natural consequences for small mistakes: Allowing missed library books or forgotten items to play out teaches responsibility and boosts confidence without real risk.
Limit midday communication through phones or watches: Reducing unnecessary check-ins helps children stay present at school and prevents anxiety spikes caused by mixed messages or constant parental reassurance.
Create opportunities for age-appropriate independence: Encouraging kids to navigate tasks like ordering food, calling about appointments, or solving peer conflicts nurtures grit, competence, and long-term emotional regulation.

Sponsor for this episode…

This episode is brought to you by Coping Partners.

Coping Partners is a mental health practice dedicated to helping children, adolescents, and adults manage various challenges including anxiety, divorce, behavioral issues, relationship problems and much more in the Chicago suburbs.

Our practitioners are devoted to building on our clients’ strengths and bolstering weaknesses.

To gain insight and tools for getting unstuck check out our website at CopingPartners.com, email us at support@copingpartnersgroup.com.

Episode Transcript

Intro: 00:01

Welcome to The Coping Podcast, where we share strategies for coping with the stressors of life, especially the difficulties of parenting. And here is your host, Dr. Leigh Weisz.

Dr. Leigh Weisz: 00:15

This is Dr. Leigh Weisz. I’m the host of The Coping Podcast, where I feature top experts on topics like raising healthy children, parenting, and so much more. Past guests include Dr. Eli Lebowitz, neuropsychologist Dr. Lisa Novak, Dr. Doug Bolton, and many more. Just a quick disclaimer the information provided is for educational and informational purposes only. This is not intended to provide mental health treatment and does not constitute a client therapist relationship.

The information provided is not a replacement for being assessed and evaluated by a licensed professional, and is not intended to replace mental health or medical advice. This episode is brought to you by Coping Partners. Coping Partners is a mental health practice in the Chicago suburbs dedicated to helping children, adolescents and adults. We help manage various challenges including anxiety, divorce, behavioral issues, relationship problems, and much more. Check out more episodes of our podcast and our website at copingpartners.com, and you can contact us with any questions you have.

Before we get into today’s topic, I wanted to introduce our guest, who I have had the pleasure of knowing since high school where we did shows and swing choir together. And fun fact: not only is Dr. Faust an amazingly talented principal, but she has an amazing voice. Marcie Faust is an elementary school principal and educational leader dedicated to creating learning environments where students feel empowered, supported, and prepared for the future. With experience as an Early Childhood Program Director, Director of Innovative Learning, Classroom Teacher, and technology coach. Marcie brings a unique blend of instructional expertise and forward thinking vision to her work.

She is passionate about designing authentic, connected learning experiences and fostering school cultures grounded in fairness, student voice, and meaningful relationships. Marcie is committed to helping students and staff navigate challenges with confidence, curiosity, and care, preparing all learners for success in an ever changing world. And we’re very lucky. She is the. She is the Principal of South Park Elementary, which is local to us in Deerfield.

So thank you so much after that long, long beginning. Thank you, Dr. Faust, for being here and sharing your expertise as a school leader.

Dr. Marcie Faust: 02:43

Thank you for inviting me to join you for our conversation today.

Dr. Leigh Weisz: 02:48

Absolutely. So we met for coffee and we talked a little bit about Jonathan Haidt’s’ book, The Anxious Generation. And I was hoping to talk to you a little bit more today from your lens as a school leader. So can you tell us a little bit about how you work with parents in your elementary school to foster their children’s independence, more within the school context?

Dr. Marcie Faust: 03:10

Sure. So The Anxious Generation was a very eye opening book for me, and actually, I really was wearing my parent hat when I was reading that book. Even more than my school leader hat. I at the time had a teenage daughter who was really struggling with anxiety and very tethered to her smartphone and social media, and I started to really tune in to what some of her challenges were, recognizing that we were coming out of Covid. And so it’s hard to know what every variable, what role, every variable plays.

And then I started paying attention to what I was seeing in our schools. And I noticed that students were dealing with emotion dysregulation at higher and higher rates. And it looks like kids who become very emotional and have a hard time kind of taking control of their emotions. A lot of tearfulness we saw. We see heightened anxiety, kids with lots of worries.

And we do a survey twice a year in in my organization in Deerfield, where we ask kids to do a self reading on some aspects of their social emotional learning. And historically in Deerfield, grit was always a very low area for us. But for the first time ever, emotion regulation came even lower than grit. So I was paying attention to this idea of grit and perseverance and emotion regulation. And we’re really struggling with that.

And what can I do to support the families and the teachers and a little bit of a book study with Jonathan Haidt’s book and bringing in some local professionals such as like your in your type of role. We did some panels where we had parents listening to some of that. The like the clinical lens paired with the school lens to try to talk about some strategies that parents could be using at home to support their children. And I always say like, this school will do so much, but we can’t do it alone.

Dr. Leigh Weisz: 05:09

Right.

Dr. Marcie Faust: 05:10

Right. And it’s such a crazy statistic. It’s something like from the time a child is born, until they reach age 18, they’re only in school like 13% of their life. And we have this belief that they’re here with the teachers and the, you know, in the school for so many more hours. And over the course of their life, they really are.

And so when we talk about partnership, we really mean that it’s it takes both of these groups together. And what we’re finding is it’s just become harder and harder to be a parent. And there’s no real blueprint on that or manual. And so how can we give parents tools and strategies. And so it’s really been, you know, reaching out to people like you.

Honestly, to bring those voices in and helping parents see that sometimes connecting outside of school to give their child a little bit more support, in addition to what we’re doing, is what makes a difference for a lot of kids today.

Dr. Leigh Weisz: 06:04

Yeah, no, I love what you’re saying about the partnership, because we say that on a first session with everyone that we’re with your with your child for 50 minutes a week typically. And so it’s much more important that we can kind of have parents also partner with us and do the things that we’re talking about, recognizing how hard it is because we’re both parents to to do all this work that we’re asked to do, especially with technology and so forth and busy lives. But I love that you’re you’re taking, again, the school lens and saying, we need to partner with with parents also in order to see the results with our children. And emotional regulation is probably our number one call in terms of presenting issues. So I see that.

I see that too. Tell us a little bit, you were kind of describing to me the pause model. Can you tell us Yeah.

Dr. Marcie Faust: 06:52

Yeah. So. Oh, gosh. I think around this time last year, I also started thinking about if I could give parents just a few key pieces of advice, things that I’ve learned. And I always say I’ve made so many mistakes.

I’m not a perfect parent, but what are the things that I would want parents to know? And the first thing that I say is that it’s key to learn how to sit in our child’s discomfort. And Deerfield, we call that just a pause. Like, just take a pause, take a beat. Some examples that I like to give parents are things like your child comes home from school and they had the worst day ever, and they are insistent that they got beat up at recess.

I mean, this does happen to me quite frequently. And what I’ll say to parents is, I know your instinct is to rush and contact the school and find out exactly what happened, but I asked people to, like, take a moment and try a few things like can you sit with your child and have them express? Kind of like their negative feelings and just validate them? Sounds like it really was a hard recess. Who did you go to for help?

You know, asking some probing questions. Who’d you go to for help? Oh, you didn’t you didn’t go to a recess supervisor. Oh, but you talked to your teacher. Great.

Did you go see the nurse? Oh, you didn’t see the nurse. Like these kinds of things. If you didn’t see the nurse, probably not very hurt. Also, if you were very hurt, the nurse probably would have called, you know?

So, like, taking a step back and, like, really just sitting in it. And then your child still might be really upset about reassessing. It’s kind of like that stinks. You know what? I hope tomorrow’s a better recess.

Maybe there’s somebody new you can play with. Let’s go get a snack. And it’s like, then, you know, like a little bit of distraction or redirection rather than like, shoot the that email off to the school insisting that a full investigation take place like we’ve robbed our child of a few things. Letting them deal with that discomfort because that’s their reality. Like when we live, we have to have feelings of discomfort.

Displeasure. When we, as the adult, jump in to save the day, we’ve robbed them the opportunity to do some of their own problem solving, and we want to do some coaching in that moment. Like, could you go back to school tomorrow and try XYZ? Right. And so yes, we’ve tried to really instill that idea with our community and saying, just take a minute and see if there’s an opportunity there for just sitting together and maybe on some coaching behind the scenes.

That’s kind of where that came from.

Dr. Leigh Weisz: 09:32

I love that. And in that example, again, in their mind, because, you know, your experience is always subjective. And that child’s mind, they were beat up, which, you know, may not have been like black and blue marks, but they might have been shoved or they might have been, you know, teased or whatnot. but you’re taking their upset level from a ten, let’s say, to a seven in just sitting there staying calm and regulated yourself as the parent asking some strength based questions. Those were great questions like, oh, did you ask this person for help?

Like, that was great if you did right, helping to make them realize they have more resilience than they might have felt in that moment. They were stronger than they, you know, more capable of handling that situation than they thought.

Dr. Marcie Faust: 10:12

Yes. And I’ve also told parents this, rather than take the time, it probably took you to draft that email. That’s great time to just spend with your child. Just the connection. And so, you know.

Yeah, yeah. And I’ve had to coach, you know, I’ve learned this I’ve been doing this work a long, long time. I don’t I don’t get as emotional in myself when I receive a really disappointed or upset email from a family. But my younger staff, I’ve had to coach them and say like, remember, everybody has the has the best of intentions everybody cares so deeply about kids. When kids come home upset, it is very natural for parents to absorb the emotion and want to, like, do something with it.

And so I understand all those things, and I think, like, we’re all trying to work together to, you know, model for kids, treat each other with kindness because this is an emotional type of, of role that we’re all in parenting, teaching, school, leading, counseling. It all is highly emotional because we all just care so, so, so much.

Dr. Leigh Weisz: 11:14

Absolutely. But what a great message that everyone can pause and everyone can take a beat. Yes. And it’s helpful for us as adults to regulate. But it also filters down into the kids.

Dr. Marcie Faust: 11:25

Right. And, you know, I have the advantage, the advantage of having older children. So now mine are teens. All teens at this point. And it you know, it evolves from coming home and telling your sob story from recess to the text message.

Right. And I’ve told parents of older kids, you know, sometimes, you know, it can be your child. Like, I’m having the worst day. I need you to come pick me up. You know, that’s happened to me many times.

And often my reaction to them will be like, go find an adult to help you.

Dr. Leigh Weisz: 11:59

Awesome. No, that’s, you know.

Dr. Marcie Faust: 12:01

Like I love you. And then I’m done. I’m out and I’m not responding. But that back and forth I know can hide things. And, you know, in schools we do sometimes get parents who show up and they’re like, my child doesn’t feel well, I’m coming to get them.

Oh, well, no one at school knew. And again, I’m always looking to the future. Like, what are we trying to prepare kids for? You are not going to be the only person available to solve every problem. And I don’t want kids to grow up thinking mom and dad are the only people there for them.

There’s amazing adults here in this school who are here to help you, right?

Dr. Leigh Weisz: 12:32

The practice of saying to a nurse or to a teacher, I don’t feel well. I need to go call my mom to get to go home. Right? Even just that piece of communication is missing. Text hits on dad’s cell phone without having to articulate that or communicate that.

Yes.

Dr. Marcie Faust: 12:47

So that has improved. I’m really proud of our parents. I feel like they really are working hard at this. Yeah. And hearing some of these messages and really, you know, working to to support our goals for the.

Dr. Leigh Weisz: 12:59

Well and just the way you speak is it’s obvious that you get it from a parent lens. You know, you’re so empathic and non-judgmental because, again, the parent experience is different, right, than the schools experience. But you’re trying to hold that while coaching them all in the service of helping these kids to develop grit, resilience, emotional regulation, all the things that we all want for our kids for sure. What are some examples of, you know, simple responsibilities or simple tasks that you wish more children came to school able to do on their own? Because I do think parents are a lot of us are overfunctioning, myself included, you know, day to day tasks.

Dr. Marcie Faust: 13:41

I know, I know. Well, I think it can be small things like I, you know, I, I, I’m staring at the front office, but my door to my office opens to the front office of our school. And I see so many parents dropping off like library books is a great example. And it’s it’s surprising, like, what’s the worst thing that’s going to happen if the library books are delivered a day or two late by the child, right? And I want to say, mom and dad, you you don’t have to take that on. And I think that when kids feel that disappointment like, oh, I can’t check out a new book today because I didn’t bring them back.

That’s the intervention. That’s the learning experience.

Dr. Leigh Weisz: 14:20

Right? That’s the worst thing happens.

Dr. Marcie Faust: 14:22

And I always say like, what’s the worst thing that can happen? And so, so many times where parents just come to drop things off, I think save yourself the trip other than maybe food and we still have some food for kids. Water bottles. We have cups, right?

Dr. Leigh Weisz: 14:39

Absolutely.

Dr. Marcie Faust: 14:40

Books can come late. You know what I mean?

Dr. Leigh Weisz: 14:43

Sure.

Dr. Marcie Faust: 14:44

Lots of things like that. Where I wish parents would just let their child know that their child is going to be fine. We’ve got them. And that the next day they can bring whatever it was. And it can just be a great conversation at home.

I think those.

Dr. Leigh Weisz: 14:55

Experience.

Dr. Marcie Faust: 14:56

Are like really simple ones and the ones that I described earlier to you, I really wish I saw more of instead of reaching out to the school immediately, I wish the conversation was more frequent where it was. Tell me what happened. When your child is upset or frustrated, what can you try tomorrow? You know, let them try the next day when they come home. Did you do it?

You know, try a little bit of that coaching behind the scenes before. We’re always reaching out on behalf of the child. We’re doing so much problem solving for them. And I think that that’s one of the big reasons we’re not seeing that resilience, because there’s no opportunity to practice that right.

Dr. Leigh Weisz: 15:40

And to feel in a way that’s like, you know, okay, exactly. It’s not the end of the world if they fail. And like you said, they forget their library book. You know, we’re not. But but as they get older, the stakes do get bigger.

And parents aren’t there in the same way to kind of catch them. And so you’re right, it’s like we’re robbing them of these experiences.

Dr. Marcie Faust: 16:00

Right? Those are those are some that I definitely see frequently and would love to see people practicing a bit more. Another one is peer conflict okay.

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