Video Game Addiction or Healthy Hobby? Tips for Parents From Andrew Fishman

Andrew Fishman is a licensed clinical social worker (LCSW) and the Owner of Video Game Health, a platform that helps parents and adolescents understand and manage the impact of video games on mental health. He works with teens and young adults in individual, family, and group therapy on balancing gaming habits and promoting overall well-being. Andrew is certified by the International Gambling Counselor Certification Board for treating video game addiction.

Here’s a glimpse of what you’ll learn:

[02:50] How Andrew Fishman became a therapist specializing in helping gamers and their families
[04:15] Why most kids who play video games are not at risk, and what research shows about life satisfaction
[05:38] The two main warning signs of video game addiction
[07:27] What it looks like when a teen wants to stop gaming but can’t and how that differs from normal power struggles
[12:31] How playing alongside your child helps parents understand game dynamics and reduce daily conflicts
[16:33] Why online gaming serves as a modern “third place” for teens to socialize when physical spaces disappear
[21:46] The DSM’s proposed criteria for Internet Gaming Disorder and how to recognize an addiction pattern
[25:02] Andrew shares a case of a college student whose gaming derailed his academics and how therapy helped him regain balance
[34:50] Andrew describes working with a middle schooler using gaming as an escape from bullying and school anxiety
[45:02] How therapists use video games in sessions to build rapport and teach kids emotional regulation skills

In this episode…

Is your child’s love for video games a harmless pastime or a sign of something more serious? Many parents struggle to know when gaming is simply a fun social activity and when it crosses the line into unhealthy territory. How can you recognize the difference and guide your child toward balance?

According to Andrew Fishman, a licensed clinical social worker specializing in gaming and mental health, most kids who play video games are not at risk for addiction and enjoy the same level of life satisfaction as non-gamers. Concerns arise when gaming becomes a coping mechanism for depression or when kids want to stop but feel they can’t. Recognizing the difference between normal teenage power struggles and signs of true addiction is key to protecting mental health and relationships. Andrew also highlights the importance of creating real-world connections and teaching emotional regulation.

In this episode of The Coping Podcast, Dr. Leigh Weisz sits down with Andrew Fishman, Owner of Video Game Health, to talk about how parents can identify gaming addiction versus healthy gaming. They discuss warning signs such as withdrawal symptoms and a loss of interest in other activities, how to set practical boundaries, and why online gaming can be a positive social outlet. Andrew also shares strategies for building emotional regulation and balance in kids’ lives.

Resources Mentioned in this episode

Quotable Moments:

“People are generally happy with their lives if they play and happy with their lives if they don’t.”
“My goal is more to fill in those other wedges so gaming stays balanced with the rest of life.”
“No adolescent is going to choose their parents over their friends in the middle of a round.”
“It breaks my heart when parents use the iPad as the calm down button for their children.”
“Video games are a great way to practice the skill of getting annoyed and then coming back down.”

Action Steps:

Play video games with your child: Experiencing the games firsthand helps you understand their appeal and build stronger connections.
Set clear gaming boundaries early: Establishing time limits and rules from the start prevents power struggles and creates consistent expectations.
Monitor for signs of depression or addiction: Recognizing changes in mood, school performance, or self-care allows for early intervention and support.
Use parental controls to manage online interactions: Restricting voice or text chat reduces exposure to toxic or harmful strangers in online gaming environments.
Encourage real-world social activities: Adding in-person clubs, sports, or hobbies balances screen time and supports emotional growth and healthy friendships.

Sponsor for this episode…

This episode is brought to you by Coping Partners.

Coping Partners is a mental health practice dedicated to helping children, adolescents, and adults manage various challenges including anxiety, divorce, behavioral issues, relationship problems and much more in the Chicago suburbs.

Our practitioners are devoted to building on our clients’ strengths and bolstering weaknesses.

To gain insight and tools for getting unstuck check out our website at CopingPartners.com, email us at support@copingpartnersgroup.com.

Episode Transcript

Intro: 00:01

Welcome to The Coping Podcast where we share strategies for coping with the stressors of life, especially the difficulties of parenting. And here is your host, Dr. Leigh Weisz

Dr. Leigh Weisz: 00:15

This is Dr. Leigh Weisz. I am the host of The Coping Podcast, where I feature top experts on topics like raising healthy children, parenting, and so much more. Past guests include Dr. Doug Bolton, Dr. Eli Lebowitz, clinicians Ben Kessler and Michelle Winterstein, Dr. Aryn Froum, and many more. Just a quick disclaimer. The information provided is for educational and informational purposes only.

This is not intended to provide mental health treatment and does not constitute a client therapist relationship. The information provided is not a replacement for being assessed and evaluated by a licensed professional, and is not intended to replace mental health or medical advice. This episode is brought to you by Coping Partners. Coping Partners is a mental health practice in the Chicago area dedicated to helping children, adolescents, and adults. We help manage various challenges including anxiety, divorce, behavioral issues, relationship problems, and much more.

Check out more episodes of our podcast and our website at copingpartners.com, and you can contact us with any questions you have. Before we dive into today’s topic, I wanted to introduce our guest, Andrew Fishman. Andrew Fishman is a licensed clinical social worker in Chicago, Illinois. He is also a lifelong gamer who works with clients to understand the impact video games have had on their mental health. He received his master’s degree in social work from Loyola University and does direct practice work primarily with adolescents and young adults.

Recently, Andrew wrote a book called Parenting a Gamer: Help Your Child Build Healthy Habits, make positive choices, and find balance in virtual worlds. I did order this book. It’s pre-order on Amazon, but not coming out till April, and you can show us Andrew if you want. Just the kind of the cardboard cover, what it’s going to look like. So exciting.

So we’re going to dive into this topic. And again thank you, Andrew, so much for being here.

Andrew Fishman: 02:21

Yeah I’m happy to be here. Thank you for having me.

Dr. Leigh Weisz: 02:23

So we’ve talked with parents in our practice a lot about screen time battles and how sometimes it looks like kids are going through withdrawal when you take their phone or a screen away. And technology really is one of these really, I would say tricky and frustrating parenting areas. We’ve not had a speaker yet on video gaming, and so we’d love to hear a little bit more about, you know, how you got into this work, how you have expertise in this area, if you don’t mind sharing a little about your background?

Andrew Fishman: 02:50

Sure. So I became a therapist back in 2016, 2017, and my first job they started. They figured out that I knew what the nerdy clients were talking about. All the young boys were talking about Fortnite. And none of the people who were working at the practice knew what the heck they were talking about.

And so they said, Andrew, you’ve played Fortnite. Can you see this kid? And sort of handed me all the nerds and all the people that I could communicate with, and I understood the lingo, and that built up pretty naturally into a specialty where I just got, you know, that that builds other clients and a caseload and a reputation. And so it just turned into something that not only I’m, I really connect with kids with, but I’m really like it.

Dr. Leigh Weisz: 03:32

That’s really neat. And you’re right. I mean, you have to when you’re working with teens, you have to know a certain lingo, what they’re talking about. Right. How the lunch tables work.

Like, you have to kind of know what it’s like to be a teen, but video gaming world is a whole other sort of subset of that. Yeah. So it’s wonderful to have a clinician really get what they’re talking about. And also psychologically, like what happens to their brains in this world. So tell us a little bit about, you know, again, kind of more, I would say not harmful video gaming that many kids and teens sort of are doing for pleasure, you know, activities with friends versus when it becomes a worry, you know, what are red flags that parents need to to worry about?

Andrew Fishman: 04:15

Sure. The first thing I would say is for for the vast majority of kids, it’s not an issue. It’s not something they need to worry about. Something like 97% of boys and 75% of girls spend some time playing video games or would consider themselves a gamer, and 97% of boys are not struggling. This is not a you know, this is not for the for the majority of people, not a harmful thing for their lives.

There was a study done where they asked people to imagine their life on a ladder where with, you know, ten rungs, the top rung is the most satisfied you could possibly be with your life. And the bottom is the floor. You’re miserable in every aspect. Spect, and what they found is that people who played a lot of video games and people who played video games were about the same. They’re both about as satisfied as each other.

And then importantly, they asked again six weeks later, I think, and they were still just about the same. And if video games were harming these people, you would expect it to either be lower or then to lower over the course of the six weeks. And it just didn’t. People are generally happy with their lives if they play and happy with their lives if they don’t. So generally not something to worry about.

Dr. Leigh Weisz: 05:24

Which is actually a nice a nice piece of news. It’s a relief for parents. Just that. Yeah, it’s not a terrible it’s not like giving your kids drugs if, you know, if the majority are able to play them recreationally and do just fine. That’s good to know.

Yeah.

Andrew Fishman: 05:38

There are two areas where I would suggest people start to look out for them, because there are, I would say, two broad categories of when, you know, when video gaming can become a problem, right? The first is to look for signs of depression. And that’s if school performance drops suddenly. Or, you know, they stop taking a shower, they stop brushing their teeth, they stop losing interest in activities. All the classic symptoms of depression can also show up in video gamers.

And for me, I think the the the the correlation there is that video games take up basically no mental energy. And so if you are burnt out with school, everything’s going badly for you. You don’t have many friends, you’re lonely, your school’s going bad. You’re starting to feel the symptoms of depression. You might just spend all your time playing video games.

And that’s not that’s not necessarily the game’s fault. It’s just a one sign of a larger issue that parents really can and should look out for. The other is the sort of addictive. My kid has a problem with the video games themselves category. And that is when you know the kid wants to stop but can’t.

And that’s different than you telling them you need to stop and they don’t do that. That’s the that’s being a teenager or being, you know, being a kid.

Dr. Leigh Weisz: 06:57

That’s most of, I would say, the power struggles that that we hear about is like the child or the teen is playing a video game and it’s time to transition into dinner time or, you know, leave out the door and they’re like, but we’re in the middle of a, you know, of this round. I mean, that seems really awful for parents. I mean, there’s that pull. But what you’re describing is something even more serious. You’re saying the the teen, him or herself actually says, I want to stop and I can’t.

Andrew Fishman: 07:27

Yeah. Exactly that. It’s all right. I know that. I have a test tomorrow morning, I need to study and I need to go to bed early.

And then they don’t study, and they don’t go to sleep until 4 a.m., and it’s because they couldn’t turn off the game. That’s when it becomes an issue in the addictive side.

Dr. Leigh Weisz: 07:42

Right?

Andrew Fishman: 07:42

The other the other way of that is I can’t stop myself from spending all of my money on these microtransactions. I, you know, I have I’ve got $20 this week to spend or $20 this month, and I spent all of it again. And now I don’t have time. I don’t have money to go do something else that I want, and I couldn’t stop myself.

Dr. Leigh Weisz: 07:59

Like in the real world they can’t, you know, go get ice cream with their friends because they’ve spent their money in a, not a in a in a video game world. I don’t know what’s the appropriate word.

Andrew Fishman: 08:09

Yeah. Yeah. In a, in a game. Sure.

Dr. Leigh Weisz: 08:11

In a virtual world. Yes. In a.

Andrew Fishman: 08:13

Game. Yeah. The the way that I think about this most and I, and I write about this in my book is that you can do. Have you ever heard of A Wheel of Life. You’ve probably heard of things like it where you have the spokes on a wheel.

Yeah. So for for listeners, if you picture a circle like a pie chart with a bunch of lines coming out from the center, each wedge is a different part of your life that you find important. You have a wedge for your social life, you have a wedge for your physical health, and you have a wedge for school performance and whatever else is important to you. And you take a colored pencil and you and you color it in to how satisfied you are with that area. You know, I’m doing great socially, so I followed that up to a ten.

That is all the way up. And but physical health is at a two and my schoolwork is at a two, and my family life is at a three, and I’m not doing well in those areas that can really doing that exercise can help point out the holes in our lives. And my goal always is not to stop people from gaming, even if they have a, you know, even if they say that it’s a problem. My goal is more to how do we fill in those other circles, those other wedges, so that we can hopefully keep that as part of your life? If it helps you be social, if it helps you relax, that’s fine.

Let’s let’s find a way to keep that in balance with the rest of your life if we can.

Dr. Leigh Weisz: 09:28

Right. And like you’re saying, if physical health is at a two, let’s say the person doesn’t move their body at all, you know, and they’re spending hours and hours video gaming, it makes sense that like, right. You know, one is if they’re really able to start doing a sport or something after school, yeah, their time naturally is going to go down of how much time they have left to video game and vice versa.

Andrew Fishman: 09:49

Right. And to that I would say it’s I would always encourage people to not just take away the games, but to just add an activity.

Dr. Leigh Weisz: 09:58

Enrich if you can add. Right.

Andrew Fishman: 09:59

Yeah. You know, if the and you can be creative about this too. If your kid likes fighting games, maybe they want to take karate. If they like sports games, maybe they’ll play that sport. Find a way to add in a way that aligns with their interests, something that will make them.

Fill up some of those other wedges, something that’ll add to their the wholeness of their life.

Dr. Leigh Weisz: 10:20

Right? I call it pieces of your pie.

Andrew Fishman: 10:22

Yeah, exactly.

Dr. Leigh Weisz: 10:24

Yes. The same concept. It’s it’s it makes sense. So let’s go back for a moment to the kids who, like, are not truly addicted. Right.

But just act out over video games with their parents. Like you’re saying the normal teens who are dealing with the power struggles. What do you advise parents in terms of how to set limits or how to set parameters around this? Because it can be a daily struggle, even for those kids who are doing well in the other areas of their life. But you know, again, the way that the video game engineers sort of like are making these games, it’s it’s really engaging their attention, it’s capturing their attention.

It’s really hard to just put the controller down. So what do you suggest to parents in that kind of camp?

Andrew Fishman: 11:08

Yeah. So I’ll tell you an anecdote from when I was in when I was in high school. It’s when do you remember when American Idol was on and everybody was watching the show? Yes, it was on until it was like 8 to 9 p.m. or something. And my brother really, really liked American Idol and his bedtime was 845.

And so at 845 every Tuesday, my parents would be like, all right, go to bed. And he goes, but I can’t, of course I don’t want to go to bed. And it would it would cause an argument. Right. And they didn’t understand why.

And they were like, he’s why is why is this stupid show causing, you know, causing all these problems. And then they figured out they then they watched it with him and they realized, oh, right. When we’re right, when we’re telling him to stop watching is when they’re about to announce the winner. And who’s going to get kicked off? There’s no way he’s going to leave.

He’s too invested. He really wants to watch this show. He wants to know who won. This is the exciting part. And we’re telling him to stop, right?

They were never going to win. You’re not going to beat American Idol in if for a kid who really likes the show.

Dr. Leigh Weisz: 12:13

Especially if it’s only 15 minutes more. Come on.

Andrew Fishman: 12:15

Exactly. Just 15 more minutes. And then he would have gone to bed with no problems. Yeah. And so to.

And so relatedly, the best way I think you can stop those arguments and understand why they’re happening for your kid is to play with them.

Dr. Leigh Weisz: 12:30

Nice.

Andrew Fishman: 12:31

And so when, if you if you play with your kid, for example, and you find out, oh, this is a game that you can’t pause. Yeah. This is a game that.

Dr. Leigh Weisz: 12:39

You lose all your progress or something.

Andrew Fishman: 12:40

Or you lose all your progress. Right? And you and you or your or He’s playing with friends and they’re on a team. And if he turns off the game as soon as I tell him to stop, his friends are going to lose the round. No adolescent is going to choose that.

Dr. Leigh Weisz: 12:53

Yeah.

Andrew Fishman: 12:53

No. Like they’re wired at that point to value their friendships more than their parents. And that’s annoying. But that’s part of growing up. We all went through that phase.

Yeah. And so if you then know that if you play with them or you talk to them about, well, okay, let’s pause this argument tomorrow, I’m going to ask you what happened last night. What is happening in the game. Try to stay curious what is happening in the game that makes it hard for you to stop, and that’ll give you the information you need to decide. Oh, okay.

Maybe I do want to give him 15 more minutes to finish the round or finish this whatever. Or you say, you know what? I don’t really. Or your values tell you, okay, I don’t really care that you finished your round. You need to listen to me.

But you can at least acknowledge that. That it’s hard. You know what? I know you’re in the. I know that you’re in the middle of a round.

And I know that it’s hard, but you really do need to do this thing well.

Dr. Leigh Weisz: 13:44

And would that help you coach parents, for example, to maybe set rules around what kind of game they could play in the evening, knowing that that’s going to be an issue, one that, again, doesn’t have the setup that you’re describing. You know, because again, that that sounds like a tricky situation in terms of like when you can turn it off and when it’s going to cause more disruption.

Andrew Fishman: 14:05

Right. And some some parents do that there. You know, you can play whatever games you want on the weekends when you can play with your friends. But after 6 p.m. on a school night, you have to only play single player games or the ones that don’t cause this disruption. Yeah, because we know that you can’t not fight with us.

And so this is so you know, I’m not going to take away games for you entirely because they’re not that’s not the issue right now. It’s the specific format of the game that’s making it so that you are not listening to me every night and yelling at me.

Dr. Leigh Weisz: 14:34

Absolutely. No, it seems like a very logical consequence, you know, again, not not in a punitive kind of way, just more in a proactive way. We’re going to set you up for success. You know, we totally get it. We empathize that this is not the kind of game you can put down in the middle, and not the kind of game you can have a time limit on, because we just don’t know where you’ll be and involved.

But I like that. Like this is a this is a Saturday game because Saturdays you don’t have anything major going on and we’re fine with you having that, but not on a weekday when you have school and have to wake up and so forth.

Andrew Fishman: 15:06

Yeah. And another thing that some parents do there is to instead of saying, all right, you have to stop playing at nine. They’ll say, okay, don’t start a new round after eight. Because we know that the we know that the games that you play every round takes about 45 minutes an hour, depending on how well you’re doing. Are you still alive at, you know, at the at the hour mark?

Yeah. You know, Fortnite is an elimination game where if you get if you get killed, you’re just you’re done with the round. But if you’re if you’re doing really well, you’re still playing at, you know, at the 20 minute mark. Right. And so it might be you need to you need to learn that skill.

If you don’t start a new one at a certain time, rather than you need to stop at a certain point because that the second one’s likelier to cause arguments.

Dr. Leigh Weisz: 15:47

Right. No, that makes sense. And you know, the other piece is like we often hear, especially I don’t mean to to only say, boys. I know girls too, but it seems like it’s more popular still among boys. And that we hear that this is just an important way for them to socialize.

So some parents who would say that they’re sort of anti-video games, we’ll be like, but, you know, this is this is where he’s hanging out with his friends. And sometimes they’re in a room together, like physical room playing together. And other times it’s again just like at their own houses, but they clearly are still socializing in that way. Do you see the positive aspects of gaming and like for for non-gaming people like me? Can you tell us a little bit more about what those are?

Andrew Fishman: 16:28

Yeah for sure. Are you familiar with the concept of a third place?

Dr. Leigh Weisz: 16:32

No.

Andrew Fishman: 16:33

It’s a sociology concept. The idea is that we’ve got home, which is which is one place and we’ve got work or school, which is our second place, and then our third places are everywhere else. Those are the roller skating rinks and the bowling alleys and the churches and all the places that are just inherently social. Okay. And so those are the places that we find community.

Those are the places that we spend time with, with anyone that we meet, new people, all those other considered third places.

Dr. Leigh Weisz: 16:58

Yeah.

Andrew Fishman: 16:58

And they’re going away that, you know, when I was a kid, we had all sorts of them. We had we had a place called the Firehouse in Highland Park, which was just after school program. You go there and they’ve got arcade games and they’ve got ping pong tables and, you know, community staff members to. Yeah, it’s just a hangout spot. It doesn’t exist anymore.

I think they replaced it with condos. And so that and so the kids that I work with have some of them have literally nowhere in their community that doesn’t charge them money to be there. Yeah. It’s it’s like you can go to the library.

Dr. Leigh Weisz: 17:30

Hanging out in their place of work, right?

Andrew Fishman: 17:32

Yeah.

Dr. Leigh Weisz: 17:32

Yeah, absolutely. You’re right though. It’s sad.

Andrew Fishman: 17:35

Right? You can go to the library or a playground with playground equipment. And for some of them, that’s it. And so they’re, you know, when their parents tell them go, go play outside, they’re like, well, where where am I supposed to go? There’s nowhere to play.

And sometimes parents haven’t caught up to it. No, there aren’t any places. So. Right. So it’s an understandable adjustment that they would then.

All right. I guess I’m going to find a third place online because Fortnite is also a third place, so.

Dr. Leigh Weisz: 18:00

Interesting. Yeah.

Andrew Fishman: 18:02

So a lot of, a lot of the kids don’t want to be doing this either, but they don’t have a choice on school nights. Their parents aren’t going to let them go out, go to a friend’s house, a lot of them. So where do they go? They go online. They want to spend time with their friends, right?

Dr. Leigh Weisz: 18:12

Which is again age appropriate for teenagers. Right? Exactly. Spend more time with friends. And we’ve we’ve talked about on other podcast episodes, like just how it’s so sad that there really isn’t because of all the structured activities and everything that’s going on in our busy lives these days, there really isn’t enough time for teens to be just hanging out with friends.

So it makes sense what you’re saying.

Andrew Fishman: 18:36

Yeah, exactly. And so it’s it’s so it’s not it’s not as good as being in person. Studies have shown that. But it’s way better than nothing. Yeah, it’s better than not being able to see your friends at all.

And so other studies have shown also that a lot of what is communicated in video games is positive. It’s supportive, it’s socioemotional, it’s it’s, you know, great job or it’s, you know, I’m over here, I need some help. It’s pro-social and problem solving, all sorts of things. The, the places where I would be worried about is if strangers are talking to your kid. Yes.

And that is.

Dr. Leigh Weisz: 19:14

Which games are those, you know, more popular?

Andrew Fishman: 19:17

It’s it’s all of them. Yeah. So there’s so one thing that parents need to know is that there are options for voice chat. And this is usually in parental controls. Or you can set them yourself as the as the player.

And you can set it to no one can communicate with me or my friends can communicate with me. You know, my in-game friends, the ones that I’ve designated. Or everyone can communicate with me, right? And a lot of games by default will have everybody can communicate with you, the opposing team. That’s random bunch of strangers that they paired you up with for this match can also talk to you.

And that’s. It’s awful. I can’t tell you how quickly I turned that off in Grand Theft Auto Online, because it’s just slurs and you know, it it’s it’s toxicity. It’s it’s awful. And so if you have the chance to change it to friends only on everything.

Dr. Leigh Weisz: 20:12

Right. Gosh, that doesn’t exist sort of as a, you know, as the standard. Right. That instead of opting out of it, like you’d have to opt in to allow something like that.

Andrew Fishman: 20:23

And it depends on the game. But some, some, some of them do. Some of them are opt in, some are opt out, but some of them are just yeah, anybody can talk to you. Anybody can talk to your children. And if they’re a nine year old whose parents let you play this game because they thought, oh, that’s fine, I don’t care about the you know, the game seems fine.

They’re not taking into account that the game might be appropriate, but the people talking to your kid are might not be right.

Dr. Leigh Weisz: 20:46

No.

[continue to page 2]

Pages: 1 2

Video Game Addiction or Healthy Hobby? Tips for Parents From Andrew Fishman

Here’s a glimpse of what you’ll learn:

In this episode…

Resources Mentioned in this episode

Quotable Moments:

Action Steps:

Sponsor for this episode…

Episode Transcript

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