Avoid This if you Want Your Child to feel Comfortable in His Shoes….
LESSON #1: In the video below, I talk about the specifics on how to help children cope with divorce.
VIDEO FOR LESSON 1
LESSON #2: DO NOT BADMOUTH YOUR SPOUSE IN FRONT OF OUR CHILD (and Preferably not at all).See explanation below.
Do you worry about your child’s self-confidence? Like many other parents, you probably worry about your children’s self-confidence and try to bolster self-esteem via extracurricular activities, excelling in academics, and complimenting their efforts (no matter what the outcome). You are all too aware from your own experiences that it can be painful to feel inferior to others—-whether in looks, popularity, or athletics.
However, despite your best successes in instilling positive self-image, if YOU badmouth your spouse during a divorce, you are injuring your child. Think about it this way… Your child is half Mom, half Dad (or half of each parent). This holds true whether or not the child is the parents’ biological or adoptive child. Children identify with their parents, try to find similarities, and feel a sense of their own identity in relation to where they come from. You can imagine, therefore, why it would be distressing for a child if his Dad berated his Mom (“You are the dumbest individual!”) or a Mom demeaned the Dad in front of the child (“Your Dad has serious mental problems and is doomed.”). That child’s first thought is likely to be, “Am I dumb? Am I doomed to be mentally impaired too?”
As a child therapist, I always advise parents to co-parent amicably and effectively, and one of the biggest “how-to’s” inherent in this is to be polite and courteous to the other parent.