Dr. Leigh Weisz 7:48
Totally. And it was interesting to me, as I’m thinking back to like the very beginning of COVID. And how everyone was sort of shocked at how slowing down in a way felt really foreign, but really good. And everyone was sort of like saying, no matter what, right when this is over, I’m gonna maintain parts of this experience of less scheduling and less running around busy lives. Because I think for many parents, especially many people, like many parents, it seems like you’re sad, the normal is the running around like a crazy person, and just never taking a moment to breathe, and sit back and relax and be present. So I hear you, this is really important. It’s so
Dr. Colleen Cira 8:31
so important. And it’s, it’s not just important for our mental and emotional health. It’s imperative for how we show up in relationships. And I know most of your listeners are parents. So it’s imperative for how we show up in relationships with our partners, with our children, with our co workers. And it’s also imperative for the health and vitality of our physical bodies. That you know, if a car never hits the brakes, if it never is parked, we will run out of gas. And then when we try to run with busted wheels, and no gas in the tank, terrible things wind up happening to the car, right? And that is normal and predictable. It doesn’t mean anything is wrong with the car, it means we have not been tending to the car, as we’ve needed to. And so while most of us are great about our oil changes, we’re really not so good about tending to ourselves, and what do we really need in order to show up in our lives and in our relationships in a way that feels good to us. And it’s interesting, too, I
Dr. Leigh Weisz 9:34
think a lot of parents are incredibly attuned to what their kids need, and incredibly devoted to getting them everything under the sun that they might need for their you know, best life and their success, but not necessarily paying as close attention to their
Dr. Colleen Cira 9:52
own needs. That’s right and that’s that’s such a good point because there’s there’s no good or bad here right like our brain Things love dichotomy. They love black and white, but there is no right or wrong here. It’s wonderful that parents, we are in an age of parenting that is far more intentional, where we have access to so much more knowledge and wisdom and resources that we can do better for our kids than the generation than older generations past. Right? That is lovely. And so much of parenting is about who we are, and not what we say. It’s about showing up a certain way rather than teaching a certain thing. And so, if we’re saying all these things, but we’re running around, and we’re perpetually stressed, and we’re perpetually losing our temper, and short on patience, because we aren’t taking good care of ourselves, it doesn’t really matter what we say, because you’re as you and I know, so much of communication is nonverbal. And the majority of communication is nonverbal. So our behavior matters, how we’re showing up how we’re taking care of ourselves or not, that all transverse to our kids, whether we like it or not, whether we want it to or not. So again, I think there’s a lot of motivation here, to get really curious about who we are. And if we are embodying the things that we want our children to know, and walk away from our homes with, you know, for sure, for sure. And
Dr. Leigh Weisz 11:26
I always think about that old dad, you know, put on your own oxygen mask first. And as cheesy as it is, it’s true, we forget, we forget to do the self care, that is so important in order to help you know that trickles down to our children as well. So it’s great, because today, you can talk to parents about how they can incorporate this for themselves. And I’m sure their kids will also you know, whether it’s directly from the parents teaching them or ways to incorporate it, or just the modeling they’ll be able to learn to.
Dr. Colleen Cira 11:59
That’s right. And just one thing to quickly add on to that Lee, you know, I don’t want any of us beating ourselves up over the fact that we neglect ourselves, right? Because the fact of the matter is, taking good care of ourselves, it was very deliberately trained out of us, right? All the messages that we get about parenting, and especially motherhood, and how we define good mothering is exclusively about self sacrifice, right? We get told over and over and over again in direct and indirect ways that she who sacrifices most is the epitome of a good mother. And that’s just a narrative that’s been around forever, we won’t get into all the reasons that still exists. But I think it’s a helpful thing to remind ourselves of, that we didn’t get into this habit of neglecting ourselves out of our own free Well, it’s been trained out of us, we’ve been taught, we need to constantly give constantly nurture put our energy out here. So this is a reminder that like that message is garbage. And that all of that love that we put into so many people and things outside of us that we are worthy of that too. And not just so that we can keep pouring in other people’s capsular. But we’re also just worthy of that. Period.
Dr. Leigh Weisz 13:22
Yeah, no, I love that. I love that it’s true. It’s kind of part of how how we’re socialized from from early on.
Dr. Colleen Cira 13:27
Right?
Dr. Leigh Weisz 13:29
Right. So I guess, you know, maybe you could start coming by telling us how you personally got interested in meditation for you and and what it’s done for you kind of your own journey.
Dr. Colleen Cira 13:42
Absolutely. So this is the Lea already knows this. But this is a deeply, deeply personal story. And so just prepare yourselves for that. Essentially, I think like so many people, especially women with children, I think I had fallen a bit asleep in my life. I was just I was on the train. I was doing all the things I like, you know, I graduated from my doctoral program, I got married, I bought a house, I had children. I was like investing in my career. It’s just on the train, right? Like hitting all the milestones that we all get so accustomed to meeting or that we should be striving to meet. And I think I fell asleep. And we just woke up at some point to a lot of discontentment in my life, feeling like I didn’t even know who I was anymore. I’ve just gotten so lost. And meeting all these milestones and taking care of my children and being a good wife that I didn’t even really know who I was anymore. And so I started meditating and journaling every morning to hit pause. Right and and get curious about who I actually I am, what I want. Why do I feel so irritated and resentful? You know, I’ve got this beautiful life. I’m married to an incredible man, I have wonderful little people who love me. I have a home, I’m proud of, I have a job I love like, I have this amazing life. Why am I walking around? So stressed out all the time and irritated instead of grateful, right? And I wanted to get curious about that, rather than just beat myself up for like, You should be more grateful. I wanted to wonder why. And so, meditation allowed me continues to allow me to really get to know who I am, we all have, I think, an inner voice and inner knowing that if we stop long enough to listen, it has all the answers that we’re looking for.
Dr. Leigh Weisz 15:54
Nothing to listen. And, and, and actually, it’s like, pausing to take the time. And to be curious, like you said about your own self, too. And the
Dr. Colleen Cira 16:02
outer workings? Yes, absolutely. And right. And so that whole process allowed me to start questioning a lot of things in my life. I started to question my marriage, I started to question my business, I thought I was maybe going to divorce my husband. And this is all coming, you know, two years post and post pandemic, right. So this was all really came to a head for me in December of 2021. And so I think between the pandemic and being forced to slow down, forced to deal with all the feelings that normally is so easy to distract myself from with life and everything that needs to be done, right. It was a moment of real pause and reflection and deep inquiry about is this the life that I want? And how much of this is chosen versus just what I’ve been taught to believe that I want or need? And what what is it that I actually want? How do I actually want my life to look, and it’s allowed me to, as Glenn and Doyle would say, create a life by design, rather than by my indoctrination. And so that’s the role that meditation continues. That’s, that’s how I got into it. And it continues to help me just stay awake and present in my life, so that life isn’t just operating with me in the background, I’m the one in charge of my life.
Dr. Leigh Weisz 17:30
I think of the word intentionality. You know, you didn’t want to be on this hamster wheel. No matter how great the hamster wheel might have looked to the outside world, it didn’t feel good to be in it. And so you had to get off of that, you know, like the train or the hamster wheel and decide with intentionality after being curious and pausing and reflecting what really do I
Dr. Colleen Cira 17:49
want? That’s right. And I think one of the things that gets in the way for people in terms of meditation or just living life, with this, these constant focuses of present awareness with intentionality, is when you are present in your life, there’s a lot of uncomfortable, you have to deal with, right? If we’re not avoiding our feelings, through consumption, if we’re not buying shit, or running around, taking in all these experiences, or eating our problems, or drinking our problems away, if we’re just presence. It’s uncomfortable, all the feelings that we will be forced to just kind of notice and grapple with rather than avoid. And I think it’s easy for people to be scared of what will come up if they slow down. Right?
Dr. Leigh Weisz 18:45
You know, right, you have to have the willingness to observe your inner thoughts and feelings. And for a lot of people that is intimidating. You’re right, because it’s easier to just kind of like, quiet them with the noise of life. That’s right.
Dr. Colleen Cira 18:59
And there’s so much noise. There’s a lot it absolutely did to do. So this feels like, instead of continuing to walk in this treadmill, where the treadmill is a treadmill, we can’t get out of this life as it is. But it is turning around and walking the other way. And everything in life will continue to want us to go in this one direction, but we’ve got to decide that we’re we’re going to go against the grain and sit with some hard stuff. And be curious about it and decide from a place of genuine authenticity, and intentionality, what we want to do rather than having life dictate the terms for us, which is what happens all the time.
Dr. Leigh Weisz 19:43
And I think there are plenty of adults out there who feel unfulfilled. They’ll say, you know, I have adult clients who will say, you know, I feel unfulfilled and so it’s for some people it may be that they’re anxious or stressed or overwhelmed and we And maybe they could, you know, benefit from this kind of work in terms of just slowing down their body. And you know, that piece of it. But it sounds like also what you’re saying is, it will also lead you to more to seek out a more fulfilling, rewarding life that is, is true for you.
Dr. Colleen Cira 20:15
That’s right, that’s true for you that’s aligned, that’s aligned with the essence of who you are, rather than simply filling and completing expectations that maybe you’ve been given by people who are not you. So it’s showing up in your life in a really, really, it allows meditation, mindfulness, present moment, awareness allows people to show up in their life, and in just a way that feels so much better, typically. Mm hmm. Can you talk to us a little bit about
Dr. Leigh Weisz 20:46
the mind body connection and kind of like, what, what this work does in terms of just the body, and then also what it does for the psyche and for the mind? Yeah.
Dr. Colleen Cira 20:57
So thank you, thank you for saying that. Because the mind body connection is really the truth of what we’re talking about, you know, we’ve got millennia of this idea that the mind and body are separate, right, thank you to cart. But that is not true. The mind and body are one, because while the brain exists only up here and the body is below that. The mind and the body are connected with them in a million million different ways. The nervous system is one of the many ways that they are connected. And so there is a profound connection and tons of research that basically says they’re one in the same what we think we basically created in our bodies, what we think can take away problems in our world, and in our bodies, they are one in the same. So let’s bring this back down to reality a little bit. What research has shown is that when we are in a present awareness state, which is oftentimes we can get there through meditation, or yoga, or some practice where we are allow ourselves to actually be in our body and less than our brain less than our head, that our brain actually changes. And there are incredible things that happen, our brain can change, that’s known as neuroplasticity. So our brain becomes more plastic and has more plasticity has more ability for change can change more quickly, more effectively, more efficiently, when we are in a meditative state on a regular basis. And this is probably connected to the fact that when we are doing meditation on a more regular basis, all of the systems in our body are humming along more efficiently because we’re in that parasympathetic, rest and digest connectedness state, right, which is where we’re supposed to live, right. And if we’re getting there more often, through any number of ways, meditation, yoga, therapy, etc. That just means our body is freed up to heal itself, to fight off illness, to heal parts of our body that are struggling. So those are I could go on forever about this, but I risk that we’re getting a little bit too academic. Is there something more specific, though, that I can say for how it benefits folks? No, I think that,
Dr. Leigh Weisz 23:30
you know, sometimes people present, let’s say, in therapy with anxiety, and sometimes they don’t know necessarily, why they’re anxious, but they can just say, what they feel in their body, you know, the actual sensations. And I think they feel like defeated like, Oh, well. So now I can’t fix it. Because I don’t know why. And I’m like, but just focus on that place in your body. Meaning that by that, in and of itself, that focus on that part of the body, or that sensation, that mindfulness, it you are still able to, let’s say, slow it down or calm that down or, you know, put your awareness there in a way that is healing. So I think people just forget, they they’re so used to therapy being you know, to figure out why and what to do and the thoughts but a lot of the times the very basic interventions that have more to do with the breathing and slowing down the body are incredibly effective. So I hear you saying there’s incredible benefits to having your body in a more relaxed state and for sure the research is there as well. But even just focusing on you know, on those sensations, I think can be really helpful.
Dr. Colleen Cira 24:39
Yes, that’s that’s so rightly because I think the model that so many of us have been given is that feelings anxiety, stress, overwhelm sadness, rage. We’ve been taught that the feelings are a problem that if we’re having big feelings, something is wrong. and something needs to be fixed. Right? I think that’s the model. That’s basically the American model for feelings. And meditation, mindfulness, yoga, all of these things offer us just a very different, more ancient, more effective way to deal with feelings that’s actually attuned with how our body works, which is simply that feelings are data. Feelings are information. It’s our body trying to get us to pay attention, right? They’re clues. Yeah, they’re clues. So if we stop and listen, to your point, we just we accept that this is the feeling we’re having. And we get curious about what that feeling is trying to tell us. rather than avoid it, push it away, drink it away, buy it away, whatever. That that provides us answers, that allows us to actually do something different in our lives, set a boundary, have a tough conversation, slow down more rats more, whatever it is, right. But if we stopped and actually treat our feelings as data, and we listened and got curious about what our feelings had to say, the healing happens organically. We don’t have to chase it. There’s no problem to fix. It’s simply something we need to be aware of. And now we’re paying attention to it in a way that will the answers will reveal themselves. Does that make sense?
Dr. Leigh Weisz 26:26
Very much. So. Yeah. So yeah, so I guess maybe you could start by diving in. And giving us a couple of examples, very specific examples of how we adults, you know, parents can use these, how we can forge these meditative moments, as you said, in our in our busy lives, like, like meditation one on one, right now for the
Dr. Colleen Cira 26:50
where would you start? Absolutely. So I think like, almost everything, there’s, there’s a spectrum here, right. And so if there are folks who are really interested in creating a meditation practice, this is really basic and simple. You don’t have to do it for long. In fact, I would not advise you start with more than three to five minutes, because it will feel new. And as we know, anything that feels new will inherently feel uncomfortable. Our brains and our bodies, we like familiar, if it’s not familiar, we are automatically skeptical. And so start with just 2345 minutes, I would start with guided meditation, before you just try sitting and like focusing on your breath. Sitting and focusing on your breath for longer periods of time is a more advanced practice. And that’s something we should probably build our way up to. So you know, we can talk about it more at the end. But there are really great apps that have that are free, that offer tons of different meditations that focus on different things. They offer different types of meditation, you might gravitate more toward something called progressive muscle relaxation, as meditative as meditation versus a loving kindness meditation. So I think that’s another myth we need to debunk is that there’s one right way to do this, that couldn’t be farther from the truth, right? There are a million really valid, lovely ways. And so experiment, pick something that you like, and start with 2345 minutes, maybe first thing when you wake up. But if not, then that’s when I would really recommend it. Your morning, as sets the stage for your entire day, as you well know. So I would really recommend it in the morning, maybe before your kids get up. But if not, anytime throughout your day.
Dr. Leigh Weisz 28:51
Yeah, that was one of my questions, you kind of answered that a lot of a lot of my working parents will say they’re so stressed throughout the day. And they have back to back meetings, let’s say, and when should they incorporate this even just focusing on the breath or doing a guided meditation? And I would say yes, like, it sounds like the first thing in the mornings are really great goal. But even if they notice the sensations in their body of stress of feeling overwhelmed, they can probably, if they have a break for five minutes, use that five minutes in the middle of the day to reset to Right.
Dr. Colleen Cira 29:25
Absolutely. And this is also where the fact that meditation is countercultural. This is where it shows up a little bit more, right. Because the world again, we’re on that treadmill, we’re on that train, it wants to keep moving. And so the barriers that one will encounter, to stop slow down and prioritize themselves. Even if it’s only for five minutes, there will be barriers. Your slack will be going off at work your phone will be vibrating or chirping at you your Apple Watch is gonna be like buzzing on your restaurant. So you Just the act of pausing and taking five minutes, whether you actually pull up a meditation app or not. That’s a feat. Yeah. That’s a miracle. That’s right.
Dr. Leigh Weisz 30:11
And I’m just gonna say this is kind of funny that you’re what you’re saying, you know, as a parent, I feel like the other, you know, it’s kind of like that, again, that myth of what does it mean to be a good parent or to be a good mom, is that you have to be available 24/7 In case your child needs you. So I’ve had clients in my room, adult clients, where, you know, it’s during the day their kids are in school, and they’ll say, I’m so sorry, my phone’s overgrown, just in case it’s the school. And I’m like, Oh, my gosh, is your child sick? You know, of course. And they’re like, no, just in case. And I’ll say, you know, obviously, there’s a chance, right? That the child might be sick in the middle, you know, it’s possible that the nurse would call it’s possible, but it’s not likely. And think about all those those days where the person or the parent is living in the state of like, what if they call it have to be available? Giving themselves I’ll say, Just give yourself the gift of this hour in therapy, right? And worst case, if the child’s at the nurse’s office, though, you’ll figure it out afterwards, you’ll turn your phone back on. But it’s again, that idea of like, can we even give ourselves the gift of being present and turning our ringers off? Sometimes even that feels like maybe closer to a meditative moment?
Dr. Colleen Cira 31:22
That’s exactly that is exactly right. So again, taking, logging on to calm and finding a five minute app. Easy. This is easy. It’s all of the work that leads up to that. Are you carving out the time? Which means are you giving yourself permission? And when you find resistance around like, oh, I can’t I can’t do this. I can’t do that. It’s like, well, why?
Unknown Speaker 31:49
So the amount I think of curiosity that needs to happen around,
Dr. Colleen Cira 31:58
why am I having so much resistance to this? What are the messages I’ve got? Why is it such a big deal to take five minutes for myself? Is my boss really gonna fire me? Because I’m not available during my lunch hour? Right? Which is a legal obligation of the state of Illinois. Is my boss really going to fire me? No. Is my kid really something terrible really going to happen to my kidneys? Excellent. If my partner reaches out, and I don’t take the call, is anything really bad going to? So why do I feel that way? Right. I think that whole observation. And curiosity is every bit if not more important, than the actual five minutes, right? Right. But we make those actual five minutes feel like the complicated part, because it’s very easy to dismiss meditation or taking five minutes for ourselves. And it’s not easy to think through all of the different barriers that get in our way, and why they exist and why they feel so powerful to us. That’s a whole separate thing. Right. But it’s inherently connected to this process, you know, right. And I’m curious
Dr. Leigh Weisz 33:12
if so, if a client, if a parent were to do a guided meditation for three to five minutes, do you think they’d immediately feel a benefit from just that one? Or do you think it takes again, that practice over time because yoga class, I feel like the people who are really Yogi’s, I mean, they feel that benefit right away. You know, like, they’re, they’re in that practice, they, you know, they walk in the door, and they get, you’re already started to feel like they’ve got this, this relief, but I don’t know about those three to five minute ones in the in the beginning stages.
Dr. Colleen Cira 33:42
Absolutely. That’s such a good point. And I would even wager that the people who now say, as soon as they walk into the yoga studio, they feel so much better. They probably been doing it a while, right? And my guess is that their first class, their brain was like, What the hell am I doing even doing your own thing? If I’m gonna take time to go to the gym, I should at least be sweating Jesus Christ. What is this? Right. Like slowing down is not easy for most of us. And so but again, part of the importance part of the benefit is going through this right is going through the journey of noticing how crazy all of our brains are. They’re all crazy. So I call it monkey mind. So even just noticing, even if you get to the five minutes, and you’re like, I didn’t hear a word that was sad. After the first five sentences. I’ve been in my to do list I’ve been thinking through about my day. been worried about my kid. I’ve been stressing about this meeting,
Unknown Speaker 34:50
right? Just the awareness that you were not present. This is good, right? So
Dr. Colleen Cira 34:59
one of the things cuz I love about meditation is all the judgment that we are constantly doing of ourselves and others in the world. The only thing that like, if you sit down and practice meditation, it is good, it doesn’t actually matter, right? What happens is getting noticed or just for being there, gotta start just for being there. Right. And so if we have to label and judge things, and it takes a long time to stop labeling, and judging everything all the time, then let’s label any practice as good. But you’re right, you will feel perhaps frustrated, a little irritated or annoyed with yourself. Because you when we start to notice our monkey minds, that’s, that’s a new experience, and newness is uncomfortable. So it’s, this is not to be done in a transactional way. And I think this is especially important for parents to hear maybe especially mothers, this is not another thing to put on your to do list and check off, right? We can do it in that way. But I promise you, if it’s done in that way, you will be like, Oh, this is so stupid, why am I doing this and you’ll stop, the value is in the regular practice of taking time to slow down and love on yourself. Because ultimately, at the end of the day, that’s what this is, this is making an investment in ourselves. And we’re not used to doing that.
Dr. Leigh Weisz 36:25
So it’s uncomfortable. No, that’s true. And, you know, I was thinking about from a parenting lens, you know, when I incorporated, you know, meditative moments and mindfulness. And I always think about sleep, because when my you know, my kids were little I would do, you know, kind of a body scan and the relaxation imagery was to kind of help them get to a place of calm, and with the goal of them being able to do that for themselves. And adults who have sleep issues. I mean, I do recommend, right trying to do that progressive body relaxation, something just to kind of help calm the body. But I think that for kids, and especially teens, the the distractions that you talked about are so much even more salient, like, they don’t have a second, it seems like without, you know, Snapchat, or this or that going off. And so I just think, like you said, modeling this, knowing how important it is, hopefully transmits to them too, because I think they’re gonna have even more of a challenge truthfully, in our in our generation well, with slowing down.
Dr. Colleen Cira 37:30
Absolutely, kids do have special challenges these days, especially with technology, as you said. And so I think that is where we, as parents, when we are embodying this, when our kids see us, having a slow start to the morning, sitting outside on our porch, drinking coffee, not on our phone. Just looking just sitting there, the more that we carve out time for us, and our kids see us carving time out for us, they don’t see us running from one thing to another, like chickens with our heads cut off, right, the more they see us carving out time, the more they will know that when they feel desperate for downtime, that they you have you as their parents have given permission, given them permission to do that, that they will know that that doesn’t mean that something’s wrong with them that they should be able to keep up with this pace, right? Because they are seeing you do that. Right. And I think as parents, we can also help our kids with that, right? Because their brains are not fully formed. They are going to be more prone to those dopamine activating activities like I found and YouTube and social media, they are going to feel more drawn into those things than us because their brains are just building still. And so I think that’s where it’s really helpful for us to have some boundaries around downtime. Right? And that can look like not over scheduling that can have that can include limits on screen time that can look so many different ways.
Dr. Leigh Weisz 39:06
Even just allowing kids to be bored. I know we allowing his being bored. I’m bored. I’m like, Okay, so like, Don’t avoid the feelings like that. That’s okay. It’s not a dangerous thing to feel bored, you know. But yeah, it’s so true. We really, it’s so basic, like you said, but we don’t do enough of it in our culture in our society.
Dr. Colleen Cira 39:26
That’s great. That’s right and exactly that it gets it gets trained out of us. But this, this is the beauty of meditation and allows us to wake up to some of these things that we do purely based out of habit, right? If I just did every morning, get out of the house before school routine and every dinnertime bedtime routine,
Unknown Speaker 39:50
purely out of habit. totally asleep. I would be not great, right?
Dr. Colleen Cira 39:59
It’s all By slowing down and being really intentional about like, how do I want to show up tonight? How do I want to show up this morning? What’s How do I want my kids bodies to feel? When they’re at home in this house? In my presence? Do I want them tense and stressed? And like, because they’re because of the pace or the urgency? Or what needs to get done? Or do I want them relaxed? Right? And that ultimately starts with how my body is.
Dr. Leigh Weisz 40:26
Right? Right. Well, and I would say, even, even if you were in a really good state, you know, of calm, but your child came in frenetic with the energy of the school and the pace, that you could still offset that, you know, just to throw meaning even if it wasn’t you being like the the tense one, we could get wrapped up in that tension very easily. Or we could try to really purposefully slow down almost like self preservation. And to them kind of help them with soothing and modeling. It’s like that, um, you know, the symbiotic relationship, right? So,
Dr. Colleen Cira 41:01
oh, regulation is very real thing. Right? Right. And we typically only talk about CO regulation when our children are babies, right? When we’re talking about skin to skin, and how our breath and our heart rate and all these things sink, right. But that continues to be true. And that’s not just with our children as babies, but their children as they age. That’s what’s our partners, that’s with anyone who is in the same room as us. We’re tuning forks, we tend to try to vibrate the same way.
Dr. Leigh Weisz 41:32
I like that the tuning works. Yes.
Dr. Colleen Cira 41:34
So the best thing we can do in thinking about how are we affecting our kids, right, is take care of our own bodies embody the state that we would love our children to embody. And just by doing that, it creates all sorts of positive domino effects. You know,
Dr. Leigh Weisz 41:54
I love this. Okay, so guided meditation, three to five minute house, more nuggets, what are some other things we can try in our busy lives a cup of coffee, I’m I’m reporting right away that I’m allowed to have my five minute cup of coffee that my family makes fun of that I have to have every morning, but I can do it in peace. And there’s good reason for that. And the research, okay, keep keep them coming. What else?
Dr. Colleen Cira 42:17
That’s right. So Right. So on one end of the spectrum is a frequent or daily meditation practice, right? That’s one end of the spectrum. The other end of the spectrum, though, is, is just trying to create more moments of present awareness, and living your life in an awake and intentional way, right. And we can do that constantly. We can do that all the time. So there are some days where I need as much sleep as possible, and I’m waking up when my kids are waking up, right. And, you know, COVID has allowed us to live in a world where sometimes I don’t have to go far. And all the things can get done in that one hour before school. And sometimes that just is. But more often than not, I’d like to get up a little bit earlier, right? So I can have my coffee in silence and solitude so that I can just sit there and maybe breathe for a minute and say, Okay, where am I? How am I? Did I have a good night of sleep? Or a shitty night asleep? Am I looking forward to my day? Or am I dreading it? And what do I need? What what do I need to take good care of me? Because I’m not only taking good care of me, I’m also taking care of some people in this home, who may or may not always be easy to people to take care of. And how can I how do I want to show up for them? Right? And I can only do that once I know where I’m at. So I think meditative moments are anytime that you’re stopping and pausing to just be to check in with yourself to say, what kind of thoughts Am I having right now? Are they are they joyful thoughts? am am I smelling the roses? Or am I stressed out about something that’s to come or sad about something that’s already happened? Like, what are the quality of my thoughts? What’s happening in my body? Do I feel when I feel like warm and loose and relaxed or am I am I scrunched up and my tight and I tend to like awareness is as you and I know, a psychologist, awareness is half the battle. So anytime we take a moment to become aware of who we are in presence, space and time, that’s a mindful moment. Right? And just that awareness that does something to our nervous system in a positive way.
Dr. Leigh Weisz 44:47
Right. I’m thinking to about you’re just you’re focusing on, you know, kind of focusing inward on the sensations, the feelings, the thoughts, but I’m thinking too when someone does wake up in there stress, or, you know, going 10 steps into the future, that one of the techniques I really like is the five senses just like pick something, it could be look out the window, it could be something in your room and to figure out, you know, what does it look like? What does it smell like? You know, if it’s something in your mouth to taste like, what does it feel like, you know, just to ground yourself in the present moment as much as you can. And maybe that’s even easier than what you’re describing, like a step before. looking inward?
Dr. Colleen Cira 45:30
Yeah, absolutely. Any anything that condors presents, right? So if it’s a few minutes to just mindfully breathe, if it’s a few minutes to just stare out my window, and daydream. Right, right, a few minutes on the train, where I’m not going to be scrolling some social media.
Dr. Leigh Weisz 45:52
Right? You can even close your eyes. Imagine that, you know,
Dr. Colleen Cira 45:54
absolutely right, like, any few minutes of anything, where we are disconnecting from the world around us, and coming back home to ourselves. That’s a meditative moment, that does incredible things for our minds and bodies and souls. And so we could we could talk about a million ways that that could show up. I love that. Can you tell us as a
Dr. Leigh Weisz 46:18
therapist, Kellyanne, how you’ve seen this work, transform a client’s life? You know, kind of when you put that into practice for someone and why,
Dr. Colleen Cira 46:26
yes. And I think these are great stories, because I’ve worked with a couple of clients for a very, very, very long time, like a decade or more. Wow. And while we’ve talked about meditation, or mindfulness forever, right, the resistance has been big as it is for most of us. So it, it really wasn’t until people started to deal with all the barriers, to meditation and mindfulness. To wake up to, why am I resisting this what is getting in my way, started grappling with this idea that I am not broken. I’ve experienced things that I’ve created painful experiences and physical states in my life, but I am not the problem. I am not the broken one, right? That is the only thing that’s allowed people to actually engage in meditation in a way that they’ve experienced benefit from, right. Because if we just all run around reacting, if we’re like, Okay, I’m gonna start my day to start my day at 4am. And I’m going to do 10 minutes of meditation, and then I’m going to go and workout and, and like, it’s all in this name of like, P I’m going to have this incredible morning to morning routine in the name of
Unknown Speaker 47:47
peace. But we’re doing it from a place of compulsory
Dr. Colleen Cira 47:55
action, right? urgency, frantic, I’m broken, I have to fix me, I need all of these things outside of me to fix me. It’s not going to happen. So over the years, as they have started to get really curious about their feelings. That is what has allowed them to actually engage in meditation, meditation is no longer so scary for them. Because they’re understanding that their feelings are not symptoms of their brokenness. Their feelings are just part of their biology, their trauma, their training. And now that they’re really understanding that they are engaging, and meditation and yoga in journaling. And that practice combined with this, like foundational knowledge of like, I am not the problem, there is nothing to fix here, folks. That combination, it’s it’s completely freeing up their whole lives, they are watching symptoms disappear, that they’ve struggled, you know, relentlessly against for decades. They are experiencing more peace and happiness. They are less critical of themselves, which I think is kind of the root of so any experiences of pain and suffering. They’re being kinder to themselves
Dr. Leigh Weisz 49:19
and being kinder to themselves, because they had first notice those critical thoughts like would be awareness piece first
Dr. Colleen Cira 49:25
that what you mean? Yeah, I think they’ve always, I think, known for a long time that they’ve been really critical of themselves, but they believe they deserved it. Okay, and so, again, I think such a huge piece of a willingness to engage in this process of living more mindfully. Is this deconstructing this narrative of brokenness that something is wrong with me? And when we do that, alongside a practice of meditation or prayer, acts of living in a more present awareness kind of way. I think that’s, that’s all the good stuff right there. Right. But if if we’re just engaging in meditation in this transactional way without deconstructing this narrative of brokenness that we get fed. I haven’t, that’s where I just see a lot of resistance. But that combo has been really good for people.
Dr. Leigh Weisz 50:26
And have you noticed, either with yourself or with clients that are friends that, you know, once they start really to engage in this in this good habit, right daily in this practice, that they almost like wouldn’t? Wouldn’t not do it the way that exercise almost feels addictive to people who really enjoy it once they get into it, or is it something that feels like, oh, I don’t want to do it? And then it
Dr. Colleen Cira 50:49
feels good when you’re in it. You know, I think it’s a little bit I think it’s all of the above, right? But I think even even here, is this idea that if I’m at her fire matter, then my behavior will reflect that I matter. And so if I’m feeling really resistant to engaging in something that serves me, that supports this foundational belief that I matter, that makes me feel good, then that’s simply more. That’s data, for me to get curious about in terms of like, what’s going on, that I’m not willing to prioritize myself in this way. Right. And it’s not something that we need to approach with, like discipline and like, hard work. It’s like, no, like, release all of that. Right. And it’s just like, what’s the what’s the curiosity? Right? Yeah.
Dr. Leigh Weisz 51:48
I always think about like, what would your therapist say, you know, and what would her tone you look like? And like you said, with curiosity, love, support, but but still kind of gently pushing it, this is an important thing for you.
Dr. Colleen Cira 52:01
Yeah, then what’s going on? And maybe I’m caught up, right on the hamster wheel again, and didn’t need to know, right? Maybe I’m caught up in anxiety about this hard thing my kid is dealing with, right? And I didn’t even know it had like, the treadmill, the treadmill, like right away, right. And now I’m aware that now I’m going to turn back around and marks the other direction, but it’s just that constant fall asleep. Wake up. fall asleep, wake back up, right? And so
Dr. Leigh Weisz 52:33
for you, Kaeleen are you doing meditation in the mornings? Only? Do you do it before bed? What’s kind of now that you’re not a beginner anymore? Where are you in terms of how often you end up doing it?
Dr. Colleen Cira 52:47
I have an intention to do it every day. Because I know that that’s what keeps me awake in my life. And being awake in my life is what keeps me feeling happy and grateful. And joyful. And here, right. So I set an intention to do it every morning. But it’s been interesting, because what I recently realized is that I had set up this quite rigid morning routine for myself. And you know, I’m going to read something that feels like a spiritual text to me. And then I’m going to meditate. And then I’m going to journal about what came up when I’m meditating. And all of that stuff was good, like no judgment for myself, I needed all of those steps. And I needed all of that time, for a long time in my life. But I don’t think I do need other steps. And all that time right now, because it’s become more a way of just doing life, right and less of this thing that I like to do here. And now you know, and so I’ve just been trusting myself a little bit more, that when I always try to meditate every morning, but if if something is going on, and I can’t. Or if I start and I’m like, I feel happy, I feel here, I feel grateful. My monkey mind is still that I’m like, maybe I don’t need to meditate for 20 minutes. Today, right? Maybe five is enough, right? Or maybe all I have is five now. And I’ll check in later. And if I’m if I’m noticing the monkey mind and the activation, I’ll make some time for it. But it’s now become more a part of just like trusting myself. And I realized I was I was trusting the meditation and the journaling and all these practices outside of me, where now I’m like, maybe I just get to trust me a little bit more and right. Meditation isn’t a prerequisite. It’s just, it’s, it can be part of the vehicle, you know? Totally, totally.
Dr. Leigh Weisz 54:47
Okay, I have two more. Two more questions for you. Is, are you still taking members of your groups for meditation groups? Is that ongoing? Or is it a closed group that’s already begun? Tell us what we should know about that. Yeah, so
Dr. Colleen Cira 55:00
my meditation group is is really meant to to help people dip their toe into this in a way that makes it more accessible and make it less intimidating. So it’s an eight week program. It’s only 30 minutes because I know everybody’s busy. We tend to start it before the day begins. So kids are out of the home work hasn’t quite started yet. This is the sweet spot. Yeah, so it reviews several different kinds of meditations so that people can experiment in a loving community can kind of figure out what works for them. So it is a closed group, but I’m always accepting names for the next one. So yes, certainly people are happy to email me to get on that list. For the next one. Yeah, everybody has just said that it’s a really, it’s just such a lovely way to start their day to be in community with people with like minded people who are looking to be more present in their lives. So absolutely. Thank
Dr. Leigh Weisz 56:03
you for that. And then for the folks listening, I guess I wonder if there are, you know, like you said, apps or podcasts or websites or you know, where they should go, if they’re interested in trying this out, maybe on their own for the first time?
Dr. Colleen Cira 56:18
Yeah, definitely. There are so many great apps. So Calm is one C A L M, the blue logo. And it just says Calm in it. Calm is an app, they have a free version as well as a paid version, the free one is totally fine. Especially if you’re just starting calm is great. Insight Timer is another really great app. And that’s entirely free, enormous wealth of resources there, where you can choose to donate if you listen to somebody all the time, you can choose to donate to that creator. But it’s a totally free app. So that’s lovely. Those are the two that I have the most experience with. But I’ve also heard good things about Headspace. Yes.
Dr. Leigh Weisz 57:02
That calm and headspace are the only two I knew and actually calm. I don’t know if they still they used to have a calm kids companion. Oh, cool. That was good. But again, I don’t know. Some of them seems to have changed where they used to be free, and now they’re not. So this is helpful to know that the calm is still free Insight Timer is free. And headspace is also free.
Dr. Colleen Cira 57:23
I don’t know about headspace. My guess is that headspace has a free version where it’s like very limited. And then a paid version. But again, you can just start, it’s a good place to start. It doesn’t have to be fancy, or overthought. Um, and also, I have a consulting business in addition to my my therapy business, and my consulting business is about individual and collective liberation. And the place that meditation has in all of that, so there’s definitely resources on that website. I’m going to be starting a podcast here soon where we’re going to talk about meditation. So all of that stuff is available on my other website as
Dr. Leigh Weisz 58:00
well. Wonderful. Well, thank you so much, Colleen for everything. This has been so much fun and so informative. And everyone please feel free to check out more episodes of our podcast, go to coping partners.com and click on podcast and articles. And as always, thank you for tuning in.
Outro 58:23
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